Always put a smile on your face before you open your eyes in the AM. Whether it’s 3, 4 or 5 AM and you are trying to navigate the fact that your day is not supposed to start until 6 A to the M.
Even when it is really early in the AM and you have no idea why you are awake, after a quick bathroom break because that makes the most sense to your still sleeping senses but really there is no other reason to be up at this hour even though you closed your eyes what seems like a more than a reasonable 7 hours prior but still the numbers on the clock do not jibe because the alarm is set for hours from now so your brain is not making the connection and still you stick to the rule that a smile makes its way across your face before your eyes open even at this, the wee hours of the morn’, and your day starts to churn in what can be accomplished before the rest of your world wakes up and the cats create havoc because when they see you they want to be fed but there’s no way your plating processed cat chow at this time of the morning so you just give them the finger as they stare at you and then saunter off to find stuff to scratch and claw at, including walls, carpets and cabinets as they begin to sing their song and you start singing back at them listening to the frightful sounds of carpet being torn so you give up and give them what they want because really discipline has no place at this time of day discipline deserves to be diluted and all but dismissed because this is improvisation, an unplanned excursion into the horizon of the un-risen sun, the darkness forging gratitude in the solitude and that smile you started with extends into a jumpstart and you plan the nap time to make up for it but for now you find a way to end this expression of early morning rambling, free association and what is the word, the phrase the mind-wandering term for typing what comes to you naturally so early in the AM...
I am on a sandwich kick. Love the sandwich. Big fan of the sandwich. Been known to make and devour 2 sandwiches. Even as dessert.
Ice cream sandwiches. Delicious. SO Delicious are a fave. But what I really want is a bag of ice cream sandwich bread. You can get ice cream. You can ice cream sandwiches. But you cannot get ice cream sandwich bread.
Just a bag of ice cream sandwich bread. That's all I want. To top how I wish when I don't have a hankering for the ice cream but can't get over a compulsion to craft some sort of other delightful filling on a slice of ice cream sandwich bread.
We can manufacture multiple vaccines for a pandemic but can't get a loaf of ice cream sandwich bread. Let's get our priorities straight y'all!
Master of Fine Arts. nope. More Fruit Acceptance. sure. Multi-Factor Authentication. safety first.
Multi-Factor Authentication is like when I communicate with my parents. I call, they text. I text, they email. I email, they skywrite. If they answer right away you have to wait for each letter to get smoked out and just remain grateful it's a sunny day so that there is no confusion in the message.
When I log on I do not want to log in to log on and when I log in I do not want to log on to log in. I have a password, you send me a text. I give you my thumbprint you ask for my cornea. Soon we will have a fiber-optic cable connecting via our arterial artery so we can mainline the info highway.
Secure verification is the touchstone of authenticity.
My genetic gateway should've prompted me with, "Are you sure you want to post this blog with your current blood pressure?"
I have a number of keyboards strewn about my office. Finger facing, thumbing, mousing housing... All leaving me at some point with disjointed digits dinging in the dots and dashes.
But ain't no kitty like the one I got. My CatPal Tunnel Syndrome feline. Walter keeps my wrists and forearms warm and ergonomically locked in place. Cuddling in concert with keyboard composition makes for a blessed day.
There's a big hubbub about AWS and Google and Facebook and Twitter shutting down so-called "conservative" voices, leaving us all Parlerless.
Conspiracist complainers should go bake a cake...for a gay wedding. A conservative cake with a conspiracy filling should not be voiceless, no matter how tasteless. That I can agree. But you don't get to have your cake and eat it too. We are baking the wrong things into dishes best served cold.
You want to create a wining culture? Get down field and block for your running back like Baker Mayfield. That is impressive. The guy doesn't just hand it off and watch. He gets down field, blocks and picks them up after being tackled.
That's the kind of progressive insurance we need for a bright future, but getting downfield ain't gonna be a cakewalk.
big shout out to "Effah-V" for chocolate cake delivered to my gut today!
Mitch McConnell is so irate about the capitol insurrection and current state of the GOP, he spoke out against the president and other powerful people saying, "the mob was fed lies," adding, "that's my job!"
President Trump is throwing his own going away party on Inauguration Day. (it's so sad I do not feel it necessary to add a punchline)
When you lay your head on a MyPillow it's like an anti-deep-state loving embrace. You are immediately comforted by a fantasy world.
to know one. Brady and Brees are legends. Legendary. Their post-game meet & greet on the field last eve was just cool. They are the only guys that know what it's like to do what they do. They have a shared experience, continuing to excel year after year, decade after decade.
It is so important to find someone that has a shared experience. One that knows what you are talking about because they have lived it. To look another person in the eye and see ourselves is a blessing. The only person in the world who is unable to do that - Alexei Navalny.
He loves his country so much he returns to it after being poisoned, only to be arrested. Like, what! Name one person with the courage to look that guy in the eye and say, "I know what you're going through." Oh. Wait. America has an overwhelming amount of people with that shared experience.
Buccaneers head coach, Bruce Arians, is a huge Star Wars fan, walking the sideline last night looking like Darth Vader waiting for his suit to be dry-cleaned.
Tom Brady is the oldest player in the NFL to rush for a touchdown. Proving he can no longer do it with his arm.
Donald Trump was furious that the National Guard deployed to D.C. prior to the Biden inauguration until aides told him it was his going-away military parade.
It's not the campfire. It's not the cigar. It's the company. Sunshine on a January afternoon, the temperature in the high 30's, makes Michigan feel like 80. Exhaling onto the embers is suggested prior to lighting the cigar, so your lungs are aware of the task at hand - making flames, and don't hold back any effort.
Sharing that time and space is important. Though the flames never really charcoaled out the logs, conversation was set ablaze. Face to face conversation filtered through tobacco. Pretty great. The phone calls and Zooms and Teams keep a connection but lead to a lot of folks blowing smoke.
When you are staring down the business end of a cigar, truth billows. What a lovely way to spend a bit of the day. Catching up, chilling out, chatting about the whats what. Cigar or not, set yourself up with a friend or fellow and face off in a meaningful discussion about the good, the bad and the ugly you're facing today.
Be truthful. Ask insightful questions of one another.
Don't blow smoke.
Former Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder was charged in the Flint water crisis. He pled not guilty, appearing via Zoom with his Nestle appointed lawyer.
President-elect Joe Biden is seeking a $1.9 Trillion relief package. "1.9 Trillion dollars!" exclaims the GOP, "but we have wars to wage in Afghanistan and Iraq and taxes to cut for corporations and conservative values to enforce!"
Mossimo Giannulli asked to serve out his prison sentence at home. The court may allow the house arrest but in his daughter's dorm.
It was a wild night at The Detroit Zoo. We saw a beaver. That was the extent of animal sightings during our stroll around Wild Lights! Even the beaver jokes were tame because of the presence of children. For that I am proud of me and my fellows.
A celebration of lights! So many holiday lights plugged in to wander around. Towns full of them. Scores of scenic drives twinkling. All of that has illuminated the fact that because of light pollution we need to manufacture a sparkling spectacle.
In the days of yore our ancestors simply laid back and were mesmerized by the universe. Which, at the time was seen spinning around us. Yet trading it in for the DTE meter to spin seems a bit. Lackluster.
Getting out and strolling with friends and family is a worthy cause nonetheless and brightens these eves of masked...mayhem. Hey didn't anyone notice that none of the MAGA mob wore a mask. Anyway.
President Donald J. Trump made history yesterday by being the only President to be impeached twice. In a statement he said, "Once again, I'm the best."
We racked up 57 billion minutes of 'The Office' making it the most streamed show of 2020. Let's see - 5 days a week, 8 hours a day plus commute...nah, still rather watch it than be in it.
90 minutes of inauguration coverage will be hosted by Tom Hanks on Jan20th. Billed as an 'opportunity to spotlight the resilience and spirit of an America united.' Nothing says "American unity" like a host broadcasting from his compound in Greece.
My wife turned the kitchen lights on and then started heading downstairs to watch TV. Seeing this unfold I, having turned into my step-father, asked, "Why are we leaving the lights on." She responded, "I want it to feel homey."
Having no retort for what was to be the unseen ambience spotlighting the homey-ness of the kitchen, my thought was not taking Homey D. Clown action but was, 'why not just imagine the lights are on while we're not in the room, how 'bout we do that.' I am blessed with the superpower to think thoughts and not have them form words. Words like an hour into whichever Netflix show we were watching formed the following phrase, "Babe it's so homey upstairs, I love you."
Could things get any worse for Bill Belichick? 1st Brady leaves town, then the Patriots miss the playoffs. To pour salt into the wound and kick him while he's down, the President wants to award him the Medal of Freedom. No way Donald J.!
We are going to have an unlimited supply of organs for transplant. United Therapeutics is working toward that goal within 2 years by having modified pigs so that our bodies would not reject the organs. So you can get a new heart and then eat all the bacon from the donor to clog it's own heart.
If Chuck Norris had been involved in the MAGA coup he would have delivered 307 electoral votes for himself with one roundhouse kick.
Stage left of the darkened Original Room sat Jeff Scott. His musical interludes bridged the gap between comics and when our stagetime was up the neon star on the wall behind him would ignite, a halo of blue above an absolute angel.
He was the showrunner, make no mistake, keeping the OR flow and energy on track. Jeff was a friend to all, a frenemy to some, and an all around wonderful human being to have shared time and space. On those tough days, his frown didn't last long after the lights came down. Outside The Store his makeup magic made the make-believe world of Hollywood come to life.
I appreciate you for keeping my nights in the booth and on stage at The World Famous worthy of a life well lived. Be blessed Jeff.
Comedy Store trained, World-travelled, Cul-de-sac-living recovering comedian, husband and tinkerer of tools talking about time well spent!