Kick the habit
It has been a long time since I've had a cigarette but I got a reminder of how much cigarettes smell like punchlines when I was hanging out in the smoke patio of the Gratiot Pub at the Tuesday comedy open mic.
Breathing in the Metro Detroit comedy scene is refreshing. Stepping back on stage in September after a hiatus the comedy community has pointed me to the people and places that keep bringing the funny every night, and every other Sunday afternoon, of the week.
The process is being nurtured, premise to punchline, rediscovering my stage legs and taking in the laughter. What a rush, with whiffs and wafts of funny.
back to 1
Heading to A2 to capture some stage time this eve. The open mic, the workout, stretching the muscles for new material. Exciting. Refreshed. Renewed.
This comes from a desire to be happy. To find a happy place, a safe space. Some would not think that a stage, a microphone, a spotlight and strangers add up to a safe space. It is a home base and no matter how long you've been doing standup nor how long you have been stage-free, it is. The. Place. To. Be.
Make it a beautiful day!
You ever go to a wedding with someone you're married to? To whom you are married? Your partner, spouse, significant other, husband, wife, committed corroborator.
I would like to make the argument that we do not have to match, nor do we have to clash - over apparel, the time it takes to get ready, whether I requested the vegetarian plate...Do not request the vegetarian plate at a wedding. I cannot be more serious about this. Celebrate the union of your friends, family, whatever with meat and then trade someone at your table for their asparagus or potatoes or whatever salad they leave behind.
Maybe that is my only point. Wait. Married couples at weddings quickly forsake the love of their life for the dance floor and whoever is willing to be on it. Though seemingly unconnected, the most important thing to remember about a wedding is, elope. Save everyone the trouble of apparel choices, travel, dancing, cake eating, open bars, social media feeds and the question, "how do you know (bride/groom)?"
Are you going to finish your mashed potatoes? Will I still fit in these pants for the next wedding? Why does my tie have to match your dress? What if we just wear matching masks? Who keeps the centerpiece?
Point is. Elope and remember that you are a match.
It's much easier to dive in head or feet first depending on the depth of your character and the shallowness of your attitude. Oh, and the bottom of the body of water.
Apparently parents like to watch the entire soccer game of their children whether their kid is cheering on the team from the sideline or chasing butterflies on the field. Aunts and Uncles get the duty of setting up the post-game-season's-over- celebration.
Procuring tickets for a water park turns out to be rather easy when you simply accept the fate of being surrounded by "Karens" with their spawn in tow vehemently questioning whether the season pass line is moving fast enough or if the day pass line should in fact continue out into the traffic of the street.
The swim lesson is this - people with cats don't have to deal with the mulch-throwing, swimsuit peeing, patty-cake-slapping, when-do-we-get-in-mommy-daddy shrieking wonders of the world. But we do, sometimes get a front row ticket.
Be blessed y'all!
3 am, 4 am, 5 am
Always put a smile on your face before you open your eyes in the AM. Whether it’s 3, 4 or 5 AM and you are trying to navigate the fact that your day is not supposed to start until 6 A to the M.
Even when it is really early in the AM and you have no idea why you are awake, after a quick bathroom break because that makes the most sense to your still sleeping senses but really there is no other reason to be up at this hour even though you closed your eyes what seems like a more than a reasonable 7 hours prior but still the numbers on the clock do not jibe because the alarm is set for hours from now so your brain is not making the connection and still you stick to the rule that a smile makes its way across your face before your eyes open even at this, the wee hours of the morn’, and your day starts to churn in what can be accomplished before the rest of your world wakes up and the cats create havoc because when they see you they want to be fed but there’s no way your plating processed cat chow at this time of the morning so you just give them the finger as they stare at you and then saunter off to find stuff to scratch and claw at, including walls, carpets and cabinets as they begin to sing their song and you start singing back at them listening to the frightful sounds of carpet being torn so you give up and give them what they want because really discipline has no place at this time of day discipline deserves to be diluted and all but dismissed because this is improvisation, an unplanned excursion into the horizon of the un-risen sun, the darkness forging gratitude in the solitude and that smile you started with extends into a jumpstart and you plan the nap time to make up for it but for now you find a way to end this expression of early morning rambling, free association and what is the word, the phrase the mind-wandering term for typing what comes to you naturally so early in the AM...
I am on a sandwich kick. Love the sandwich. Big fan of the sandwich. Been known to make and devour 2 sandwiches. Even as dessert.
Ice cream sandwiches. Delicious. SO Delicious are a fave. But what I really want is a bag of ice cream sandwich bread. You can get ice cream. You can ice cream sandwiches. But you cannot get ice cream sandwich bread.
Just a bag of ice cream sandwich bread. That's all I want. To top how I wish when I don't have a hankering for the ice cream but can't get over a compulsion to craft some sort of other delightful filling on a slice of ice cream sandwich bread.
We can manufacture multiple vaccines for a pandemic but can't get a loaf of ice cream sandwich bread. Let's get our priorities straight y'all!
Master of Fine Arts. nope. More Fruit Acceptance. sure. Multi-Factor Authentication. safety first.
Multi-Factor Authentication is like when I communicate with my parents. I call, they text. I text, they email. I email, they skywrite. If they answer right away you have to wait for each letter to get smoked out and just remain grateful it's a sunny day so that there is no confusion in the message.
When I log on I do not want to log in to log on and when I log in I do not want to log on to log in. I have a password, you send me a text. I give you my thumbprint you ask for my cornea. Soon we will have a fiber-optic cable connecting via our arterial artery so we can mainline the info highway.
Secure verification is the touchstone of authenticity.
My genetic gateway should've prompted me with, "Are you sure you want to post this blog with your current blood pressure?"
I have a number of keyboards strewn about my office. Finger facing, thumbing, mousing housing... All leaving me at some point with disjointed digits dinging in the dots and dashes.
But ain't no kitty like the one I got. My CatPal Tunnel Syndrome feline. Walter keeps my wrists and forearms warm and ergonomically locked in place. Cuddling in concert with keyboard composition makes for a blessed day.
There's a big hubbub about AWS and Google and Facebook and Twitter shutting down so-called "conservative" voices, leaving us all Parlerless.
Conspiracist complainers should go bake a cake...for a gay wedding. A conservative cake with a conspiracy filling should not be voiceless, no matter how tasteless. That I can agree. But you don't get to have your cake and eat it too. We are baking the wrong things into dishes best served cold.
You want to create a wining culture? Get down field and block for your running back like Baker Mayfield. That is impressive. The guy doesn't just hand it off and watch. He gets down field, blocks and picks them up after being tackled.
That's the kind of progressive insurance we need for a bright future, but getting downfield ain't gonna be a cakewalk.
big shout out to "Effah-V" for chocolate cake delivered to my gut today!
Mitch McConnell is so irate about the capitol insurrection and current state of the GOP, he spoke out against the president and other powerful people saying, "the mob was fed lies," adding, "that's my job!"
President Trump is throwing his own going away party on Inauguration Day. (it's so sad I do not feel it necessary to add a punchline)
When you lay your head on a MyPillow it's like an anti-deep-state loving embrace. You are immediately comforted by a fantasy world.
to know one. Brady and Brees are legends. Legendary. Their post-game meet & greet on the field last eve was just cool. They are the only guys that know what it's like to do what they do. They have a shared experience, continuing to excel year after year, decade after decade.
It is so important to find someone that has a shared experience. One that knows what you are talking about because they have lived it. To look another person in the eye and see ourselves is a blessing. The only person in the world who is unable to do that - Alexei Navalny.
He loves his country so much he returns to it after being poisoned, only to be arrested. Like, what! Name one person with the courage to look that guy in the eye and say, "I know what you're going through." Oh. Wait. America has an overwhelming amount of people with that shared experience.
Buccaneers head coach, Bruce Arians, is a huge Star Wars fan, walking the sideline last night looking like Darth Vader waiting for his suit to be dry-cleaned.
Tom Brady is the oldest player in the NFL to rush for a touchdown. Proving he can no longer do it with his arm.
Donald Trump was furious that the National Guard deployed to D.C. prior to the Biden inauguration until aides told him it was his going-away military parade.
Comedy Store trained, World-travelled, Cul-de-sac-living recovering comedian, husband and tinkerer of tools talking about time well spent!